| Don't find fault | Suggest options / benefits |
| "You confused everyone when you used two silks." | "You'll probably get a better reaction - and a bigger laugh - if you use only one silk." |
| Don't show impatience | Show patience / support |
| "No! That's not what I said! Here...watch me again." | "I'm so used to doing it that way, I forget to go slowly. You did the first two moves great. Let's try it again." |
| Say What You Liked | "You had a friendly, easy introduction that made me comfortable... and want to hear more." |
| Say How You Feel | "When you used silks in both hands, I wasn't sure where I should look." |
| Suggest Another Option | "Try holding the red silk in the left hand while you tell the story. That way we'll watch the silk and not what you are doing with the other hand." |
| End With Praise | "You have a lot of enthusiasm - - that trick can be a winner!" |
Don't preach, talk down or argue.
Don't say -- or imply -- "You are wrong."
Help other person--as a friend.
Build a Strong Self-Image
Make sure that 80 percent of what you say to yourself--about yourself--is positive. When you really like yourself, no one can really hurt your feelings permanently. And you'll see that all feedback is an opportunity to learn more about yourself.
Try "Fogging"
When faced with partly justified criticism, don't become defensive or try to manipulate your critic. Instead, create an imaginary "fog" around yourself that people can't hit: Find something to agree with in the person's viewpoint.
"You're right. I think probably was a little fast with that silk."
Admit the Truth
The next technique, admitting the truth, is especially effective when the criticism is valid. Admit that it's valid, but don't fall into exaggerated put-downs and negative self-talk. Don't over-apologize or over-compensate for your error.
"I'm glad you pointed that out. The silks were confusing and I think using just one hand would work better."
Don't Get Defensive
When you don't think the criticism is justified, practice listening for the facts. Clarify the other person's statements. Then, privately, weigh the pros and cons of what the person said.
"So you though I should use only one hand for the silks? Could you tell me more about that?"
Many thanks to Bill Repp, one of the newest members of S.A.M. Assembly #47, for providing us this excellent information.